I know this has been a super long hiatus. And quite frankly, it has been nice to stay away from the internet for so long. I’ve been focusing on my babies, myself, my home … All the little things in life that keep me busy around the clock these days. It’s about to get a lot more hectic as of Tuesday, which is when our youngest one is scheduled to arrive. I really can’t wait to meet him! I can already tell his personality will be radically different from his big brother’s. It will be so interesting to see how Emery will react, and how our daily life will change with this new arrival.
I’ll be quite honest: I think I’m done having babies. I guess one should never say never, and I suppose I could still change my mind later on. But for now, I’m like, nope, not happening again! I’m looking forward to going on with my life now and enjoying my little family. Those pregnancies have been so draining, both physically and emotionally. I’ve had to go to the hospital so often ever since Sam passed away. They obviously wanted to make sure that this would never happen again, and it was all just precautionary, which I’m thankful for. But I sure won’t miss those weekly checkups for months on end.
This pregnancy has also been the scariest one so far, because the baby was positioned very differently and I hardly felt him move, up until maybe 3 weeks ago. We had a really bad scare around Christmas when I no longer felt him move at all, no matter what I tried. We rushed to the hospital and literally relived the exact same trip we made when Sam was no longer moving. They hooked me up to the monitor right away, and we instantly heard his little heart beating. What a relief! The ultrasound showed an active baby with lots of movement … I didn’t feel a thing. It was so bizarre to see it on screen while my body didn’t register any of it.
So yeah, I’m done. I don’t want to go through this again. And each new pregnancy feels like tempting fate once more, waiting for that one time too many when tragedy will hit us again. But then, who knows, never say never I suppose … I don’t know.
This blog is going to have lots of quiet moments again this coming year. However, I am looking forward to updating it regularly again later on. I have decided not to include the children in my future content. I went back and forth a lot about it, because I like to journal my daily life here. It’s such a fun way to keep memories. But, apart from sharing a few newborn pictures, I realized I don’t feel comfortable showing their faces once they’re over a few months old. Maybe I’ll be creative about it and manage to include them more subtly, without showing their faces. We shall see :-)
As for now, I feel totally ready for this little boy to arrive! I still have a couple things on my to do list that I’d like to finish by Monday evening at the latest, but most of the important preparations are complete, and that makes me feel ready and serene.
What a rollercoaster this will have been! I will definitely post an update once he’s here :-)