Pffft. The Christmas tree is up. What a chore. I thought last year was bad, since that was our first Christmas without Sam, and then I assumed this Christmas would be more fun like before. But nope. It still sucks. And while my grief and sadness have improved immensely in the past 12 months, I just realized while putting up the Christmas decoration how little I give a shit. I’m actually quite surprised about that, because I was genuinely looking forward to this year’s celebrations. Maybe it’s also my overall lack of energy at the moment. I don’t know. I just really cannot be bothered.
I’m loving our interior though. I keep improving it constantly and I still have tons of ideas that I would like to add little by little.
So this year’s tree is all gold. It’s a first. I usually do gold and red, but God, I’m so sick of it. I should specify that this is my actual childhood tree. The one I’ve been seeing for the past 25 years, every freaking Christmas. My mom gave it to me when I moved out on my own. I think she was sick of it too lol Then when I moved in with Gert, we ditched his ridiculous miniature tree and put up this big one instead. And so the tree lives on … Twenty five years and counting. ** banging head on the table **
I didn’t even add half the decoration I own, which is so unlike me. I put up the nativity crib for about a minute and then put it back in its box. It’s even older than the tree lol I’m so so sick of it all.
I’m still torn about our Christmas cards. I used to take a portrait each year and I put so much love and effort into it. First it was me and my dog, then my dog died, and it was me and Gert, and then me and Gert and the cat. And then our baby died … and for the very first time, I sent store bought Hallmark cards. I went through the motions last year like a real zombie. My heart wasn’t into it. I was so sure I’d have the happiness and enthusiasm back this year. But I’m disappointed to see that I don’t. Gert wants to take a cute picture of our dog Wolf with his tie and a Christmas hat. I don’t know. Pfffft. We’ll see.
Okay. I sound like a real joy to be around with right now! Haha! Real Christmas spirit right here!
Honestly, I’m just looking forward to long cozy pyjama evenings in front of the TV with Gert and the pets. And good food. Lots of good food!