Christmas is sucking already

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The past few days have been so crappy. We started Christmas shopping and it’s hitting me hard, now that we’re bumping into all sorts of baby items and toys. I haven’t even made our Christmas cards yet. I’m just so uninspired about it right now. Last year was supposed to be our last Christmas portrait as a childless couple, and we would have started seeing our little family grow as of this year. Now it’s so screwed up all around. I honestly can’t wait for January, because Christmas and New Year are bound to bring more tears.

We were walking around at the mall yesterday and I randomly suggested to Gert that if we ever have a little boy again, we should use the same names as for Sam, but backwards. So it would be Louis Alexander Sam, instead of Sam Alexander Louis. He didn’t seem too keen. I honestly don’t know why the hell I said it, because I don’t think I really meant it anyway.

Right now, I’m desperately trying to cheer myself up any way I can think of. I learned during my first year at university that being physically active is the most effective way to fight sadness. Something about certain chemicals being released in the brain … or something. I wasn’t really paying attention. But I’ve been working out with cheerful music blasting through the house and it has been my best remedy so far.

Meanwhile, I’m still going back and forth a lot about adopting a new dog. Life has been so boring since Jack passed away. And while I obviously care about the cat, it’s just not the same kind of bond. Gert wants to go check out the breeder either next week or the week after that. So I guess we’ll take it from there.

♥︎ Lisa