Exactly one year ago, I found out I was pregnant

It’s an emotional day here at home. Exactly one year ago, I had my positive pregnancy test and couldn’t wait for Gert to come home so I could tell him the good news. So many memories flashing through my mind today. I had already decided that I would spend this day tidying up the nursery, and putting away the rest of Sam’s stuff so we would have a clean room, free of anything related to Sam and ready to welcome another baby in the future (hopefully).

nursery mourning grieving stillbirth loss baby stillborn cards
nursery mourning grieving stillbirth loss baby stillborn cards clothes

I went through the box filled with mourning cards and support messages from friends, family, neighbors, people we hardly even know. It doesn’t look like that much in the picture above, but there are many; three big piles that fill an entire box. I didn’t get to thank everyone individually. I think people felt like they couldn’t really help us feel better, and like a small mourning card wouldn’t make any difference to us, but they were wrong. All those messages helped us so much. Even just a few kind words helped us feel surrounded and supported by absolutely everybody we know. And I really want to stress this in case any of my readers are ever confronted with friends or family who are suffering a loss: send them a card. Even if you don’t know what to write, and even if you feel like your card will be a meaningless drop in the ocean; don’t feel that way and just send one. You have no idea how much it is appreciated during difficult times. We never expected anyone to come up with wise words or anything psychologically deep. But just to know that they were thinking about us and shared a bit of our sadness, was more than enough and so greatly appreciated.

sam cross stitched kangaroo stuffed animal blankie baby name keepsake
registered star registry name baby loss grieving in memory stillbirth stillborn gift RA 17H27M50.45
registered star name baby loss grieving in memory stillbirth stillborn gift RA17H27M50.45

We also received several gifts. Some had been purchased or even handcrafted while I was still happily pregnant. Others were purchased after the tragedy. I don’t know if maybe some people held back on some gifts and decided not to mention it to us after it all went wrong. But for those who did offer them to us, I gladly accepted them and put them all together with Sam’s stuff. I think many people didn’t quite know how to bring it up to us. I realize it’s a delicate situation and people don’t like to be confronted with tears. That’s alright. I understand and it’s no big deal. For those who did find the courage to bring us toys and little keepsakes, whether purchased before or after his passing, I want to say a big thank you. They will be cherished forever and kept neatly in a dedicated box.

There are a few things I still want to frame and hang on the wall. Like a cross stitched birth announcement, and the star registered under Sam’s name, both received from family and friends. I hadn’t had the courage to do it until now. I definitely want to get those done within the next few weeks. I will hang them in the nursery for a while. And then maybe on the long run I will move them upstairs in my office. We’ll see.

♥︎ Lisa