I’m so sorry I’ve been mute for several months. Life became so heavy and full of worries that I’ve been busy dealing with that. But I always had the intention to keep up this blog. Probably for the rest of my life, actually. This has literally become my photo album, my diary, my therapy … my little piece of internet that shows my life and who I am. It will live on for as long as my credit card pays my web host ;-)
Sometimes though, certain things in life are too private to share with the world. Like my uncle’s battle against cancer, his death, his funeral. We’ve been through some rough months filled with sadness and grief. I saw my mom struggling with all the emotions involved with seeing her brother slowly leaving us. We spent many hours visiting him. First at home, and then at the hospital. I couldn’t blog about random happy things in the mean time. This blog is too personal for me to keep up appearances while dealing with the opposite behind my screen. So I let it all rest for a bit and allowed myself a break. All my social media accounts went silent. I must admit: it’s NICE to take a break from the internet every once in a while. I always thought I was an internet junkie, but I’ve come to realize that I’m really not. Some private matters are sacred and don’t get shared online. Especially when there’s someone else’s privacy involved. In this case, a close family member. There’s a certain dignity about not oversharing certain things which I’ve learned to appreciate.
This is also true for what I’ve been trying to handle as best as I can without losing my sanity over it: pregnancy after losing our little boy Sam. I had no idea when I was going to announce it. At first, I wanted to wait until the end of my first trimester. Then it didn’t feel right. So I decided to wait until we found out the gender at 5 months. Then that didn’t feel right either. And then with my uncle being so close to dying, it just didn’t feel right at all. So then I decided to wait until we found a name for this baby … Now, at 28 weeks, despite the fact that we still haven’t decided what to name this child, I feel like the right moment has come to announce that we have a baby on the way. 💕
The state of mind I’m in is impossible to describe in a few paragraphs. But you can catch up with my entire journey in a little bit by looking back at older blog posts. I started blogging privately from the moment I found out I was pregnant, on November 2nd 2015, but I kept everything locked. I will unlock all the pregnancy-related posts in a minute, so they will be publicly visible for everyone to read.
I will be induced at 38 weeks. Partly so we won’t run the risk of losing this baby like we lost Sam. And partly so I won’t go completely mental by the time those last few weeks roll in.
So this is where I stand right now: 10 more weeks to go and scared to death of losing this one too. All while grieving my uncle who passed away on Easter Monday, and processing the fact that no matter what, we’ve been missing Sam through it all and will miss him even more when his little brother arrives. I’m definitely looking forward to happier updates from now on. God knows I need it!
In any case, even though it felt good to take a break from it all during this stressful time, I have to say it’s nice to be back! My Facebook, Twitter and Instagram will be active again as of this week, so do join me there as well! And most of all: thanks to those of you who stuck around during this quiet time and kept visiting my blog, sometimes almost daily. Thank you for the sweet messages of concern I received, the random “How are you doing? Is everything okay?”, and basically for still being there. I appreciate it. 🌹