Hello double digits! I’m so glad I made it past the single digit weeks. Although I have to say we had a miscarriage scare last week, and that completely ruined the feelings of happiness and confidence that I was slowly allowing to sink in. Now I’m back to worrying and hoping that this little one is okay in there, that the heart is still beating nice and strong, that everything is right on track in terms of growth, and that it will stay that way. I have my second ultrasound on Wednesday, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for good news. It’s so hard to stay positive when everything else in the past has turned wrong. I don’t know why though, I feel so attached to this one already. This baby HAS to make it!
I’m still nauseous. But I guess I’m starting to sound like a broken record by now. My appetite is absolute shit. And I’ve hardly gained any weight at all so far. I know they say you’re not supposed to gain weight in the first trimester, but it’s a definite contrast with Sam’s pregnancy. I started gaining weight before I even knew I was pregnant back then. Now, not so much. With my sense of appetite being at its lowest right now, and me basically having to force myself to eat somewhat decent portions, I’m just glad I’m taking my prenatal vitamins every day. I think they may actually be necessary.
I went to the doctor last week for what I suspected was an ear infection. So I walked into the waiting room, and there were so many people that I basically went like this:
… walked right back out and went straight back home! The room was full of people coughing, and one toddler sneezing in every possible direction. It seemed more risky to stay there than to just go back home and wait for my ear pain to go away on its own. Luckily, it did get better a couple of days later. But I’m not impressed with the doctor’s office. Especially since it seems to always be that busy, with at least a one hour wait each time. Sometimes two hours.
Note to self: find another doctor.
Another big symptom I’ve been struggling with this past week is how excessively tired I am. The amount of hours I sleep … wow. It’s ridiculous. And even with a 12 hour night, I still need an afternoon nap. This was also the case with Sam, so I guess it’s okay. I actually went through the blog and read everything from Sam’s pregnancy, from start to finish. It was weird. It was also interesting, because I had already forgotten quite a lot of details, apparently. I’m happy that I captured it all in detail every week, with pictures and everything. Not only are they the only memories of Sam’s short life that I can cling to now, but I also feel like it will be very helpful for this pregnancy. Being able to compare my weekly progress, and maybe spot some differences. For now it all seems to be identical, except for nausea and lack of appetite which seem to be a bit stronger this time around. But everything else is spot on the same.
One last not-so-glamorous detail: I pee A TON. I pee all the damn time, every day and every night, I feel like my life is now ruled by peeing. I don’t know if it’s partly because I’m strictly drinking water at the moment. The doctor just kind of emphasized that it’s best to avoid everything else, like coffee, tea, soft drinks, you name it. It was really bland and boring at first, but I have to say it feels quite alright now. I seem to digest food better and meals don’t feel so heavy anymore. I guess the only downside is that water gets filtered super fast through the body, and basically comes out in almost the same amount (that’s if you’re well hydrated, at least). So yeah … it’s annoying but I’ll stick to the doctor’s orders.
Anyway, this is a super detailed update. I guess I realized when reading all of Sam’s old updates, how important it is to keep track of it all, and how fun it is to read it all again later on. Even with Sam having passed away; you’d think those old pregnancy posts would be heartbreaking and painful for me. But they’re not. They’re nice memories. And I will cherish them forever. I want the same for this baby, no matter the outcome.
Here’s Baby’s progress this week:
I’m so excited to finally see a proper little baby on that brown ticker! The pink one doesn’t seem to change its graphics that often. Lame! Four centimeters is still ridiculously small, but the second trimester is slowly getting in sight now.
And here’s what I look like right now:
Granted, I’m purposely wearing a tight black shirt in all my weekly photos to maximize the contrast. When I’m wearing my regular clothes, I’m pretty sure no one notices anything yet.
I just did something crazy and ordered this newborn hat in two sizes:
I know most people would tell me to wait at least another month before I start making purchases. And especially after our scare last week, I should have at least waited for the ultrasound on Wednesday to confirm that everything is okay. But, I just couldn’t help it. If I start buying stuff and start preparing for this baby, it makes it all feel more real and also easier to believe that it will end well. So here’s the link to this item: http://sebio.be/fr/couvertures-bonnets-echarpes/2827-bonnet-de-naissance-ecru.html. It’s from the same store I bought my beeswax candles from. The hat is made of organic cotton. I’m seriously turning into a hippie here. BUT, I’d been looking for this specific model everywhere in 2014 for Sam. You know, with the more elaborate shape that goes perfectly around the ears and has two strings to attach it under the chin. It’s a very classic, old fashioned model, but it always struck me as being the most practical. I’ll be taking both sizes with me when I deliver. Because Sam turned out to be a pretty big boy, and in the tragedy of it all, the little newborn hats I had packed didn’t even fit him. Lesson well learned now. I will not let this happen again.
And while shopping for our Christmas cards this afternoon, I grabbed a baby memory book I had already noticed last week. It’s just so adorable and handy to keep track of all the memories and milestones. I wanted to purchase one, even though it’s wayyyy too early for that (only 3 pages are dedicated to pregnancy and the rest of the book is meant to be filled out during baby’s first year), but the only one they had left in stock was the display version, which basically wasn’t wrapped and had been touched and opened many times. Some pages were slightly damaged. So I asked if there was any chance they’d be selling more of these, and it turns out they’ll basically have to order one for me, which could take weeks. I’m not too fussed about it. I feel kind of silly for even requesting this while I’m only 10 weeks along. So we’ll see. They’ll call me to let me know if they can get it for me or not, and if they can, when I can go pick it up.
I’m pushing myself to be excited about this all. I can’t live in fear and hold back on the fun forever. I need to stay upbeat and celebrate this pregnancy and this baby, just like I did with Sam. I always vowed that all my children would be treated equally. So I have to get past my own worries and anxiety as well as I can.
Anyway, my next ultrasound is on Wednesday. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for good news!