Pregnancy – Week 14 – It’s a boy, again!

We found out our baby’s gender last week, but it was such a hectic week that I didn’t get to post any updates. So apparently, Gert and I are only capable of making boys … 😂 Haha!

The gender never mattered to me. But it’s so fun to know already, and being able to imagine our little family in the future. A little girl would have been fine too. I was just slightly worried that big brothers and their little sisters generally don’t get along that well. At least, that’s what I’ve always noticed all around me. I’m sure there are exceptions. But yeah, strangely, the opposite (= big sisters and their little brothers) seem to be a better match. And since we don’t have any older daughter, the best case scenario is having a little brother for Emery to play with and do boy stuff with.

I’m kind of hoping little brother will be completely different from Emery, yet be compatible enough for them to get along well. I love how unique each child is. And I can’t wait to meet this new little guy. We love him so much already. 💕

Gert was super happy about it being a boy again! I couldn’t believe his excitement. I thought he was neutral about it, like I was, but I guess that the perspective of raising sons (emphasis on “plural”) does tend to boost a man’s ego. It was funny to see Gert looking so proud of himself! Hah! No pink princess stuff in this house!

From a more practical point of view: it will save us quite a bit of money, as we’ll be able to reuse absolutely everything we already have. No need to buy dresses, or anything pink. It’s nice to know now that everything I buy for Emery will be used again by his little brother. I sometimes tried to get a more neutral color scheme for Emery’s clothes and blankets, just in case we’d end up having a girl afterwards. But now I can go full-on boy mode and know for sure it will be used again. I mean, babies grow out of their stuff so quickly. There are certain outfits Emery has literally only worn once, due to sizing and weather compatibility. And some clothes that family and friends had purchased for him have remained untouched, because they hadn’t really thought about the age he would be during which season … So we ended up with newborn Winter gear, while he was born in June. lol Those things will definitely be used for his little brother, since he’s expected to arrive at the end of February.

I’ve been feeling slightly worried since yesterday about my lack of weight gain, and the complete absence of belly growth. I just looked through Emery’s pregnancy updates, and I guess it was sort of similar. I don’t know. Sometimes I do look 5 months pregnant, but I’ve learned that this fluctuates a lot based on my digestion. So, it’s all digestion, basically. And my belly has been almost flat for several days now. It’s weird and it puzzles me.

Speaking of digestion, it’s been quite a mess for weeks now. I suffer very painful abdominal cramps on a regular basis. It’s like even the most common food doesn’t get digested normally. The doctor told me last year, before Emery was born, that pregnancy hormones can really mess up one’s digestion. I guess that’s what I’m dealing with now. Blah!

My next appointment is in 10 days. I hate that it will not include an ultrasound. I will have to sit there with my heart racing, while they try to find the heartbeat with a doppler. God, I hate dopplers. They never find the heart right away, and it’s nerve wracking!

So instead of waiting for my next appointment in fear, I decided to go ahead and try my home doppler for the first time this afternoon. I suppose I felt like facing my fears head on and get it over with. Even though I realized that, despite the fact that my doppler is labeled “as of 12 weeks”, it was probably going to be difficult to find baby’s heart today. I tried that same doppler with Emery when I was 2 weeks further along than I am now, and it was still quite hard to spot. I decided before I started that I would allow this session to be a dud, and to accept that no detected heartbeat this early on wouldn’t really mean anything, since this is not a professional tool, and I’m not exactly qualified to use it optimally. So … I basically spent 20 minutes hearing absolutely nothing and sort of wondering if there was a tiny dead body floating in there, until, at the very end, I sort of heard this very familiar sound that I recognized from the hospital. The beat itself seemed fast enough from what I could hear, but the sound was quite faint. I’m afraid that stupid placenta is still positioned in the front, like the doctor said during my last appointment. This can make it harder to find the heart with a doppler, and it’s also going to make it more difficult for me to feel movements later on. *Great* 😒 She did say that it could move into a better position later on in pregnancy. Let’s hope so.

We still haven’t announced it to anyone. Our initial plan was to wait until we knew the gender, which we do now … And now I still don’t feel like sharing the news with anybody! I mean, I haven’t even told my own mother yet. Now I’m thinking I might try to wait until our next appointment is over. I just want one more reassurance that baby is growing fine in there. It’s hard to feel confident about it anymore. I sure miss my first pregnancy with Sam, and the confidence and happiness I felt back then. It was such a lovely time. Now I constantly feel like I’m tempting fate, and like I should refrain from getting too excited because it might blow up in my face again. It sucks. No mother should ever have to feel that way about the baby she’s expecting. But, I got through it with Emery. I guess can do it again.