Pregnancy – Week 15

I guess week 14 really did mark the beginning of me feeling the baby move. At first I was like “was it?”, then “nahh”, then “wait, yes, it just happened again.” lol I felt the little head gliding against me quite clearly on Saturday; just as I was thinking to myself that I hadn’t felt anything in days and so that it was probably nothing. But then this happened, and I guess I really do sporadically feel movements. There’s just no real pattern to it yet.

It’s exactly 4 more weeks until we find out the gender. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a boy. The doctor let us in on some clues during our 12 week ultrasound. But she didn’t want to confirm because it was too early and we could still end up with a surprise on February 17th. But, I’m fairly sure she saw it right. This pregnancy is very similar to my first, and I just get similar vibes from it all.

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I decided to ditch the black top and just take my weekly picture with my regular clothes on this time. I feel like the black top – even though it is meant to emphasize my shape and show a clear contrast – always ends up looking completely wrong, and nothing like the way I look in my every day life. So screw it. I may just take my weekly pictures in regular clothes from now on.

Overall I’m doing okay. Nausea is still a tiny bit present, but it’s no longer bothering me. And other than feeling dizzy sometimes, I usually feel fine and I have more energy. I know the last trimester is going to suck, so I’m trying to enjoy this one a little bit. Gosh, I really don’t enjoy being pregnant. I’m not whining and it’s not that I’m not appreciative of this new little life that’s growing. But, it’s all been so traumatic. I live in constant fear of something going wrong. I keep wondering “is it still alive?”, “will we have a living baby in June?”. Every appointment brings out the worst anxiety in me. I’ll just be glad when it’s all over and I can finally enjoy motherhood. Right now, it feels like such an uphill battle.

On a lighter note: my food cravings have taken an unexpected healthy turn. I get really grossed out by frozen tv dinners, junk food, fried food, and basically anything that isn’t fresh and home cooked. This has prompted me to start cooking. I guess miracles do happen sometimes!

I think I’ll go visit my uncle this week. His cancer is progressing rapidly, and I would just like to pay him a visit before his next round of chemo; which will apparently be quite heavy and will leave him weaker than ever. I will probably announce my pregnancy to him then. I just know his health will keep deteriorating and there’s no guarantee of finding an appropriate moment again later on to tell him. So I think I better grab my chance this week and let him in on our secret over a nice cup of coffee. Who knows what the situation will be like next month. I don’t know if we’ll get to hang out with such a relaxed vibe again. It sucks. Why is everything always tainted with tragedy? I wish I could be one of those people who live such an apparent easy, problem-free, sickness-free, and death-free life. Where everyone is young and healthy and gets to participate in all kinds of fun family events. It seems like on my side, everybody just keeps dying. When I was expecting Sam, I went to three funerals. And I’m pretty sure I will go to at least one during this pregnancy. It’s never what I plan and envision for myself, but life has its own agenda and I really have no choice but to deal with it as it comes.

I guess after I’ve told him, I will be kind of forced to tell the rest of the family as well. Again, this is NOT what I had planned. I wanted to keep this to myself for a few more months. But what can I do? I’ve really enjoyed how low-key this pregnancy has been so far. I don’t feel like sharing updates and news with anyone. Especially this early on. I’m not even exactly 4 months along yet. That’s not even halfway. So much can still go wrong. *sigh*

To keep an eye on our actual goal (which is really off if you look at a generic pregnancy countdown), here’s the REAL countdown:

It’s based on the fact that I will be induced during my 38th week of pregnancy. We haven’t actually booked it yet, but I’m assuming most likely it will be on Monday, June 27th 2016. That’s my goal anyway. If it ends up being that day, then I’m assuming baby will be born the next day, on Tuesday, June 28th 2016. It could be off by a few days, but it beats the other countdowns that are off by two whole weeks! So, today makes us 160 days away from getting induced! 160 days sounds more doable than 5,5 months … even though that’s exactly the same thing.