Week 25. Where do I even begin to describe what a mess this week has been so far? On Monday morning, my mom called me for help because the scaffolding around her house that had been put up to renovate 2 facades, had collapsed due to heavy winds and partially crashed onto two vehicles. Fun stuff! After calling back and forth with the company and whatnot, she suddenly called me back to tell me my uncle had just passed away … barely a few hours before we were supposed to visit him at the hospital. The day couldn’t get worse at that point. We decided to go anyway so we could see him one last time. Not the kind of visit we had in mind though. And not exactly great for me being 6 months pregnant. But what else could I do, right?
Meanwhile, I was still trying to calm myself down after having had a tiff with Gert’s aunt the day before. Everybody started discussing baby names again, which I absolutely refuse to do because they’re trying to influence our choice and I’m not going to let that happen. I wanted no part at all in the discussion. When all of a sudden, Gert’s aunt randomly felt the need to share that she finds my name “stupid”. What the fuck? Where did that suddenly come from? I could have responded so many things, but decided this kind of behavior was too low to even deserve a response, so I looked away from her and went dead silent. To my biggest surprise, my silence had the effect of a bomb. It’s like this ice cold vibe suddenly fell upon the entire room and everybody went quiet. The power of non-verbal communication truly amazes me sometimes. Anyway, point being: even though I retained my composure throughout this ridiculous mess, I suffered the backlash of it later on at home. I noticed I kept replaying the whole conversation in my head over and over again, and I felt so offended and hurt.
Anyway, after all of this had accumulated nicely by Monday evening, I started feeling stabbing pain in my heart and some pretty extreme shortness of breath. When I got up the next day, it got even worse. I decided to take my blood pressure, and basically both my blood pressure and heart rate were through the roof. I felt so dizzy I thought I was going to pass out at one point. When I went to my prenatal appointment a few hours later, they also noticed right away that something was really wrong with my pulse being so high. I described all the symptoms I’d been dealing with: shortness of breath, stabbing pain in my heart all the way through my back, plugged up ears, headaches, dizziness, blue nails … you name it. I had it all. Then came the question: “Have you recently had any source of stress or an emotional shock or anything like that?” Gert tugged at my sleeve so I would respond. So I briefly explained everything. The doctor then left the room to check everything with the professor who handles my case, and when she came back she basically told me that I must absolutely avoid stress and anxiety at this point. As long as it spontaneously gets better within an hour or two, it’s fine. But if it ever lasts any longer, I will have to go to the hospital. Pffft. I just can’t seem to deal with any negativity since I lost Sam. It quickly becomes too much for me to handle and I start losing it. I don’t even really feel it hitting me emotionally quite as much as it hits me physically. It’s so bizarre.
I’ve managed to calm myself down since then, and I’m planning to take it super easy from now on. But I still have my uncle’s funeral to attend on Monday, so I hope my blood pressure and heart rate will remain decent.
As far as Baby is concerned: he’s doing great. I think he’s going to be tall because his feet already reach above my belly button. He’s still very active; moving all day and all night. His heart rate varied between 120 BPM and 150 BPM during my prenatal appointment. The average seemed to be around 145 BPM, which the doctor said was excellent. I had to take a glucose test this time. The results came back an hour later, and they were good: no gestational diabetes. Whew!
I think we’re slowly getting somewhere with our name quest. Hooray! The light at the end of the tunnel is near :-)
I have this crazy fear that labor will start prematurely this time around. If I can make it to week 32, that will already be great. He’d be premature, but shouldn’t suffer bad consequences. That’s still 7 weeks away though … And we are 87 days away from my induction at 38 weeks. Hurry up, month of June! I want my baby to arrive safe and sound!