I don’t know what it is about week 28 that makes me feel so much more relaxed and more confident all of a sudden. It doesn’t make much sense because I haven’t even passed the so called “point of loss”. My point of loss; which is the exact time in pregnancy when Sam died, will never be reached again. I will never deliver a baby in my 39th week, ever again. There’s something about it that really blows my mind. Sam will forever be the baby that I carried the longest. I’ve talked to many loss moms this past year and a half, and many of them mentioned how there’s something crucial in terms of anxiety that changes once you go past your point of loss. I will never have that. And I wouldn’t want to. The sooner they get this baby out, the better. I just don’t trust my body anymore to go the full length. It’s sad.
I have now started the series of appointments that will be at a rate of once every two weeks up until I get induced in 10 weeks. So, 5 more appointments to go. I can’t wait for this all to be over. Yesterday’s appointment felt completely useless. The doctor listened to the baby’s heart with a doppler, asked me how I was feeling, and that was pretty much it. Like, seriously? Did we really just drive this whole way for that? Is this the kind of appointment that is supposed to reassure me until this baby’s born? 😒 Pffft. She couldn’t even figure out the baby’s position. I was mildly annoyed but couldn’t even be bothered at that point. She kept hitting his foot and was like “I’m not sure what that is.” Um, lady, that’s his foot! It’s pretty clear that he’s in the correct position with his head down, but she couldn’t figure it out at all. *sigh* Whatever. I feel like I’ve got things somewhat under control for now. I know what position he’s in, what I feel, and I’m still marking blue crosses in my agenda all day long, every single time I feel a movement or a kick. His (hyper)activity remains well within his usual range, so I’ve got all the reassurance I need for now. The next appointment in 2 weeks will include one last detailed ultrasound. Thank God for that. I want to know everything and they better check it all. How they expect to blindly get through the remaining 2 months after that blows my mind, but no choice, I guess.
I’m so happy to see what looks like a full term baby now on the brown ticker. I know he’ll need to triple in weight within the next 10 weeks, but I feel like we’re so close to the finish line now. I can’t wait!
Meanwhile, Gert has managed to get sick. 😠 Just what I didn’t need right now. I feel really bad for him because it’s obviously painful. His throat is horribly sore, he had a fever earlier today, he’s coughing nonstop, and he’s basically been bedridden since yesterday evening. The doctor came by a few hours ago and confirmed it’s bad enough to require antibiotics. *Great* Meanwhile, I’m scared to death to catch it. So, I think I’m going to take some drastic measures and sleep upstairs tonight. Not only will it lower the risk of catching the same, but it will also allow me to get some much needed sleep, because all the coughing kept me awake most of last night. I’m exhausted.
We’re still going in circles with baby names … At this point I’m just ready to settle for one that’s been in our top 3 ever since we expected Sam 2 years ago. I’m dead set on his middle name, but his first and third remain a mystery. We better hurry and figure it all out, because we only have 66 more days to go … Eeek!