I went to one of my many prenatal appointments yesterday, and had what was supposed to be my last ultrasound of this pregnancy. The perspective of this being the last time I would ever see this baby on screen was scaring me. And the fact that this was the exact same time that we last saw Sam alive on an ultrasound screen was enough to trigger anxiety. I started feeling my heart racing while we were sitting in the waiting room, and it was slowly becoming painful. Then the doctor called my name and we walked in … She asked if we already knew our baby’s gender and I said “yes, a little boy”. She said “Great, this is your second, right?” I said yeah and she went: “Oh, how fun that’s going to be: two little boys at home!”
I crashed into a puddle of tears right there and only managed to mumble “not really, our first son died right before birth”. She apologized profusely and obviously felt bad. She kept saying how she should have read my file more thoroughly and how sorry she was. The harm was done though. I spent the entire ultrasound sobbing and feeling sorry for myself. I couldn’t stop staring at my baby moving on the screen and thinking that this could be the very last time I see him alive, just like with Sam. Gert managed to keep a cooler head – Thank God. He took charge of the situation and became much more vocal about what he’d like to happen in the next few weeks so we could keep the anxiety down. He demanded at least one extra ultrasound as well as more frequent monitoring. I must have looked like an emotional mess, because they suddenly agreed to absolutely everything; which hadn’t been the case before. Now all of a sudden, I have an extra ultrasound planned in 4 weeks. They will check everything in detail again, including the quality of the blood flow through the placenta as well as the baby. And I’ll be going to the hospital once a week from now on instead of every two weeks. We will alternate between two types of visits: one week they will put a band around my belly for an hour and monitor baby’s activity, the next week we’ll be seeing a doctor for a full prenatal checkup, and so forth until we finally get to my induction date.
Suddenly, they also seemed a lot more open minded about inducing as early as 37 weeks. That was a huge relief. Honestly, I’m not sure I will do this; it will depend on many factors and I’ll have to see how things evolve and how I am feeling by then. But it eased my mind to know that the option is definitely open.
One bad news we got is that the professor who’s been taking care of me from the start is apparently moving abroad or something, so he handed over my file to two of his colleagues … and now I have no idea who will deliver this baby. It sucks. I’m generally not someone who gets all hung up about having one specific doctor, but this situation is quite exceptional and I was so used to seeing him. He was there through it all, he delivered Sam, he knew my entire case by heart. So, yeah, it sucks.
I really can’t wait for all of this to be over so I can focus on motherhood, taking care of my baby, taking care of myself, and forget about all the pregnancy stuff for a while! Gert was already talking about having more children, but I feel like I’m seriously going to need a break for a while after this one. Of course I’d like to have more than one living child; and maybe I will change my mind about the timing of it all once I’ve delivered this baby, but right now I’m like “I need a break and a piña colada!”
I was reading through Sam’s 30 week pregnancy update, and I was stunned to read how similar this 30th week is:
– I’ve been having much more peaceful nights, and Baby seems to have gotten the hang of a somewhat coherent sleep pattern when I go to bed.
– As Baby’s grown a lot in a short time, the way I feel movements has now changed. It’s gone from actual kicks to feeling more like things rolling around.
– This week marks the very first time I have been able to identify for sure when he’s hiccuping. I’m not supposed to count hiccups as movements, so I have to leave this out of my daily kick count. I do write them down though, but specifically mark them as hiccups now.
The things that bothered me with Sam but I don’t have this time: no leg cramps, no stomach acid, no swollen feet.
Anyway, on to the fun stuff. Here are this week’s sonogram pictures:
All they managed to snap was his profile. He’s obviously too big now to get a full body shot, so it’s his face only. And they had a hard time even getting this because he had his arm and hand in front of his face the whole time lol Stubborn little guy. I don’t know why I felt from the beginning of this pregnancy that he’d end up looking more like me. But based on these pictures alone, I’m a bit puzzled to see that his profile actually matches Gert’s more. I can’t wait to meet him!
He also didn’t appreciate it when the midwife measured my belly; he kicked that measuring band so hard. Haha!
One funny detail that I noticed since about a week or two: he reacts to the doorbell, the phone ringing, the kitchen timer and the alarm clock in the bedroom lol So obviously, his ears are working well!
On a side note: I think we have finally found his name! We haven’t officially called it a final decision yet; but it’s slowly imposing itself as the obvious choice. So, we’re giving it a bit more time now just to get used to it, and then I suppose we’ll both be like “okay, let’s stop going back and forth because this is the one.” Now I just have to figure out his two middle names. I was sooooo sure about his middle names, but now they don’t flow well at all with the first name we’ll most likely end up settling for. So … I now have to think real hard of two middle names that will sound better with the first name. Traditionally, the rule here is to use the first name of the godfather and the godmother. If it’s a boy, you obviously try to use a male variation of the godmother’s name, and if it’s a girl, you stick to a female variation of the godfather’s name (or something that sounds close enough). Personally, I’m not a fan of that rule. I look at those 2 middle names more as a way to make my baby unique. Especially with Gert’s last name being ridiculously common! I don’t want this child to get mixed up with someone else. That’s why his two middle names are so important to me. They will be part of his unique identity.
Whether our families will like it or not is the least of my worries at this point. They’ll get used to it!
My countdown shows 52 days left … Although at this point it could even be sooner than that. It’s all up in the air at the moment, but at least the end is in sight!