Pregnancy – Week 32

Feeling a bit defeated right now, and I think it shows. I went to yet another prenatal appointment yesterday. All I can say at this point is: I can’t wait for all this to be over. It was one of the shittiest appointments so far. For the first time ever, my tests came back indicating that my sugar level was above normal. I’ve never had this in my entire life. Of course they brushed it off and basically went like “no big deal, we’ll just keep an eye on it.” And then the doctor randomly decided to discuss my weight, which was never brought up before. She subtly implied that I need to stop gaining weight now because I’m kind of on the high end of the weight gain chart. Are you kidding me? I don’t even think that she took note of my height into her equation. I’m pretty tall. And I’ve gained less this time than when I was expecting Sam! I don’t even eat that much. Nor do I stuff myself with sugary treats. I eat pretty healthy and stick to normal portions. I’ve only gained 12 kilos so far. When Sam was born, I instantly lost 10kg from giving birth alone. You’re not just losing the weight of the baby; there’s the placenta, amniotic fluid, umbilical cord and all sorts of lovely things. I stepped on a scale 2 hours after he was born, and I was already 10 kilos lighter. If it’s the same this time, I will only have a few kilos left to lose, which isn’t that hard. So yeah. **major eye roll** 😒

Then I got to meet one of the two doctors who will be following me up from now on, since the professor who took care of me decided to move abroad at the worst possible time. Just my luck, right? Now that I’ve met one of the two, I’m not exactly reassured. He came in and tried to sell me his spiel about how this is a totally different pregnancy, and how the odds of things going wrong twice in a row are very low and that we should basically stop monitoring things so closely because it could cause more anxiety than if we let things run their course. The fact alone that he suggested to cancel next week’s monitoring almost gave me a panic attack! Those appointments are exactly what helps me stay calm! I completely closed up. I let him finish his speech without answering a word, then thanked him and said goodbye. As soon as he walked out the door, I booked my appointment for next week! Silly man.

I also want a full blood test next time. I often feel dizzy since last week, and now with my sugar being higher than normal, I just want to make sure that everything’s okay. I was low on iron during my first pregnancy. So I also want to make sure that this isn’t the case again. And if they don’t want to do it, then I’ll just go to my family doctor. Pffft. They were so cautious during the first and second trimester. Why are they suddenly trying to play things down now like it’s no big deal when we’re right in the final weeks? This is exactly when things went completely wrong the first time! 😡

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Anyway, Baby’s doing fine. He’s still very active during the day and spends peaceful quiet nights. Here’s hoping this pattern remains after birth lol I can’t wait to meet our little man. We’ve finally made up our minds about his name! We went back and forth a lot, and then eventually just kept going back to this one, which started to feel more and more right as weeks went by. At this point we’re used to calling him that, so there’s no changing it anymore. It was about time! I’m only 6 weeks away from giving birth. I was starting to worry that this baby would be born without a name. I really don’t care what gender we have next. But if we end up having boys only, I do worry about future names … Boy names are difficult! Hah!

38 more days until I get induced. I’m getting so impatient. It’s almost to the point where I’m annoying myself. I get so frustrated when I can’t do certain things, and I can’t be as physically active as I’m used to, and I can’t eat or drink certain things. Ugh. So sick of it. I know this probably sounds shallow when obviously my main priority is having this baby alive and well. But I’ve gone through such horrible, frustrating years so far. It feels like my whole life has been on hold and that I’ve been holding my breath ever since I got pregnant in January 2014. I can’t wait to move forward and breathe again. Six more weeks … sounds like nothing, but it feels like an eternity right now.