Pregnancy – Week 37

Last weekly pregnancy update! Yay! I can feel the anxiety going up a notch though as D-day approaches. I even had a nightmare that Baby’s heart suddenly flatlined while hooked up to the monitor. I woke up with cold sweat and major anxiety. It took me a while to calm down. Thank God this hyperactive little firecracker moves ALL.THE.TIME. Not sure I’ll be thankful for it once he’s born, but as long as I’m pregnant, that’s exactly what keeps me calm.

We went to my very last prenatal appointment yesterday. I’m glad we are finally done with appointments! It was weird as hell though. The doctor we saw was a major creep. Gert and I kept it together during the appointment itself, but as soon as we walked out, we kind of paused and looked at each other and then burst out laughing! That guy was soooo weird! He also changed all our plans somewhat. We initially thought about going in for one last monitoring session on Sunday morning (just like last week) and then getting induced on Tuesday, June 28th. But now he was like: “Maybe we should check if there’s any sign that labor is already on the way. We’ll do that during your next monitoring session. If there’s nothing, then let’s schedule the induction for Monday instead of Tuesday, since we’ll have to start from zero. So maybe we should also bump up the monitor from Sunday to Saturday.” This totally messed with the clear plan I had prepared myself for. I wasn’t really thrilled but thought “Okay? Maybe it’s not such a bad thing if we can start it one day earlier as I had initially hoped.” But when we walked out and gave it some more thought; Gert and I both decided we’re not comfortable with that. It’s going to be a full physical checkup, and I thought they were only going to do that on my induction day, not any time sooner. The reason why I’m not too keen on this is because my very last prenatal appointment with Sam included a full physical checkup, and the doctor actually hurt me to the point where I briefly screamed and she apologized. There’s always been a doubt in my mind whether this could have been a factor in what happened to Sam the next day. Of course they swear high and low that it’s impossible. But still. I don’t want a full physical and then be sent back home for several days. I don’t see the point anyway. They can just check everything when I arrive to get induced and then take it from there. I don’t care if it takes an extra day for him to be born. It’s not like I have a preset date of birth in my mind or anything. I just want him to be born alive and well. And I basically don’t want anyone to touch me unless I’m there to stay.

So, I will request that we stick to our initial plan, as had been decided by the two professors who take care of me. I don’t like how this one doctor suddenly decided to butt in and make changes out of the blue.

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Anyway, Baby keeps growing at a fast pace, I can tell. Poor thing is running out of room and he’s kind of stuck in the same position now. He’s still moving well, so my little pregnancy agenda remains full of blue crosses that I mark after each kick. Although I guess at this point I can’t really call them kicks anymore, due to the lack of space. It feels more like little baby feet rolling around.

As for me: I’m tired, my hips hurt, my belly feels heavy. Blah! I can’t wait for this to be over. I know I’ve whined a ton about how I hate being pregnant. And I realize it makes me sound shallow and unappreciative. That’s not the case though. It’s just that it’s been such a long and frustrating road. This has already consumed 2.5 years of my life, with more grief and pain than some people could handle. It’s also taking its toll on my body, I can tell. And it all feels so unfair. I doubt I will ever enjoy being pregnant again. There’s just no way it could ever be “fun” and “exciting” again. I’m only focused on bringing this baby home alive and getting back into shape. The whole pregnancy phase can go screw itself.

Four more days if we stick to our initial plan. If it does get bumped up to Monday instead, then we’ve only got Friday, Saturday and Sunday left to go. Fingers crossed that all goes well!