Thinking of Sam

I don’t know why it hit me on Monday that Sam would have turned 14 months old that day. It seems like such a random age to think about. Perhaps because of the surreal situation here in the Brussels area at the moment. With Gert being home and us basically staying indoors, because 1) everything was closed, so there was nowhere to go to anyway, and 2) just to be on the safe side. I guess it gave me too much time to sit and think.

I was thinking of how lucky Sam would be not to have to go to daycare because I’m a stay-at-home. And how our little family would be safe right here, away from all the madness out there.

Coincidentally, I received these beautiful pins in the mail from Ireland:

Baby Loss Awareness Ireland pink blue ribbon pins babyloss stillborn stillbirth infant

I was referred to this website by another loss mom who happens to be the only fellow European mom in the support group I joined a while ago. It randomly struck me one day how our loss and grief cannot be seen by others. It’s not written on anyone’s face. And then I thought about how great it would be to have a symbolic ribbon to wear. Just like the pink ribbon for breast cancer, the red ribbon for HIV, etc. I’m obviously not looking to shove it in any random stranger’s face and get some awkward conversations rolling. But it is close to my heart. And who knows, maybe one day I will bump into another loss mom who knows the meaning of this pink & blue ribbon, and who will perhaps find comfort in knowing that she’s not alone. So I’m now proudly wearing what I’ve decided to call my “Sam pin”. A little ribbon to remember him by, and to show my support to whoever has been struck – in one way or another – by the loss of a child.

A big thanks to Linda who sent these to me, along with a very sweet personal note. I will wear my ribbon with pride and love!

Baby Loss Awareness Ireland pink blue ribbon pins babyloss stillborn stillbirth infant